By Caroline A. Polt
You might think that living in Saudi Arabia would cramp an American's chance of having a social life, and that a move to England would open the door to many social opportunities. Actually, the opposite is true in my experience.
In Saudi Arabia, where about one-third of all residents are from other parts of the world, expatriates live on enclosed compounds isolated from the local community. As a result, they reach out to each other and forge social ties with an ease rarely experienced at home.
During my four-year stay in Saudi Arabia, the first time I had lived overseas, all I had to do was put out the word that I had an interest in certain activities, and I had no difficulty in meeting people and developing friendships.
Activities for expats there included sports, music, drama, dancing, art and cultural events. The hospital where I worked as a nurse has a social club that sponsors day trips in the Riyadh area as well as aerobics classes. Various groups organized overnight desert camping trips..
I went on desert walks and runs with the Hash House Harriers, a running/social club found in many countries. I took a scuba diving course became PADI-certified along with other expatriates in the Red Sea in Jeddah.
However, my experience there gave me a false sense of what it takes to establish a social life in a foreign country. I met my British husband in Saudi Arabia and now live in York, England, where I am in the minority as an American among British nationals.
Being a married expat is different from being a single person who is dating, and living in England is also a very different type of expat experience. Being part of an expatriate community isn't an option here as it is in certain other areas. I value having expat friends, and I also want to assimilate into the local community.
Tips for Expats
Once in England, I realized that opportunities for socializing were not going to fall in my lap this time, and I'd have to find ways to meet people. Here are some tips based on what I've learned that may be helpful to others.
- Do your homework before moving overseas
Before making your move, do as much research as possible to learn about your future home and to quash any preconceived ideas. Investigate websites geared toward expatriates. Look for viewpoints of outsiders who have been there, regardless of where they're from.
- Be open to new experiences
Once there, explore things you couldn't do at home, such as taking a language immersion course or learning a new sport. You might even find that in a new setting you are less self-conscious about pronouncing French words or wielding a tennis racket.
Consider, too, that you don't have to be athletic to participate in the social functions of an athletic club. In Saudi Arabia,Ê I thoroughly enjoyed being a member of Gaelic Athletic Association (GAA) because of the social contacts.
- Seek out other newcomers
If you live in a small community, you may need to venture to a metropolitan area. I met other expatriate nurses by traveling to London for events hosted by the healthcare recruitment agency that helped me land my job.
Angela Henry, an American expatriate who has lived in Saudi Arabia, the Philippines and now Singapore, suggests attending functions of women's organizations. For a list, see the Federation of American Women's Clubs Overseas (www.fawco.org). Don't discount a group because you don't fit its demographics. The American Women's Club of Thailand (www.awcthailand.org) is open to all nationalities, and there are other similar examples.
One might think that seasoned expatriates would be eager to show newcomers the ropes. But some are apt to be a bit jaded about the expat experience and may not wish to be bothered with new expats. Those with less experience are usually more enthusiastic and welcoming. Also, they may be more open to expanding their social network.
- Get to know the local people and culture
Local people are surrounded by familiar support systems and may not recognize the needs of a newcomer who is an outsider. This is understandable.
Often there are language hurdles to overcome. My sister. who teaches English in Milan and is fluent in Italian, advises making every attempt to learn the language of the country where you'll be living. Even after living there off and on for over a decade, she says she still feels somewhat like an outsider.
Cultural differences can be a hurdle, too. In Saudi Arabia, English was the official language of the hospital where I worked but patients spoke mostly Arabic, so I learned some Arabic. I found that misunderstandings arose more because of the way things were said rather than the actual words, particularly between men and women. Tone of voice is important when asking a local male staff member to do something.
With English people, I find the similarities greater than the differences, But even among English speakers, some miscommunications occur. If I say that someone called, people here in England assume that the person popped in for a visit, while I mean that the person telephoned.
To get to know local people, put in an appearance in places where they go. Consider churches, charitable groups, schools, athletic clubs, exercise classes, cafes, dance clubs, to name a few. Showing up just once may be all it takes to spark a connection with someone who shares your interests.
Sharing life experiences is a great way to make new friends. My husband and I have just had a baby. Our antenatal class and baptism class have expanded our social network immensely.
- Make a conscious effort to socialize
Regardless of where you are, how long you'll stay and whether you want to date or make friends or both, a conscious effort is required. Seek advice from colleagues and acquaintances. Investigate social groups and events, and plan ahead.Ê
Then make the most of any opportunity by getting out and getting involved. Assimilating into a new community and creating a new life takes time as well as effort. However, the people you meet and the relationships you develop along the way are sure to enhance your expatriate experience and your life.